Life has officially hit a fork in the road, and I don't know in which direction to move anymore. I must find a way to move lest I be left in the middle of nowhere with nothing or no one to lead me out. My life has hit many bumps, and I have, albeit with cuts, scrapes, and bruises, and in some cases, lasting impressions, made it this far. How much farther I can move now is officially upto God, for my hand in my life alone was only upto this point, and from here onwards, I must close my eyes and blindly, yet trustingly follow the beckoning of the Allmighty who I know will never want to harm me. The amount of confusion in my heart mounts everyday, and will continue to do so until a point will arise that I will kill myself, for how much longer I can hold out against the wave of opposition against me trying to stable my life, I no longer know.

Instead of the process of "getting better as time goes on", I feel this line works in reversal for me.

As I get older, rather than calm and a sense of balance entering my life, I am slowly being reduced to ribbons, as time and a sense of being worthless slowly shred me into nothingness. The stronger I try to be, the more I try to hold out against this wave, the more force it gathers each time it batters the weak gate of resistance I have against it.

Sooner or later, the latch is going to be weathered down to nothing, and I will submit to the forces that are so desperate to get a hold of me and pull me down.

Staying above and breathing is the most difficult thing for me to do. My life has become a constant struggle, and I don't know how much strength I have left.