Conquer All?

In all attempts at decency, one fails to derive comfort from the wildness that is chaos. It shocks to realize that the most calming influence comes from disorganization, and a sense of freedom that constraint and perfectionism can never afford to give. It seems my flair has returned, but for how long is the essential question. I had a nice, short chat with a friend of mine yesterday, and it got me thinking. You believe, as you go through life, that you collect a well honed group of associates, people who you hope will never turn on you, and will always be there, through the good, the bad, and all the in-betweens. The funny thing is, you delude yourself into believing that they will always be there, and not once do you stop and check whether they diligently hold your hand and stay, or turn and scamper at the first sight of an escape, leaving only their shadow to stand by you in times of distress. Why such profoundly happy thoughts today? Perhaps it has to do with the new environment I`ve intelligently chosen to thrust myself into, a place where not only do I feel I don`t belong, but where I have a sense of "pity" following me, something I never expected to have felt for me. Though on the occasion, I have wanted a sympathetic ear, it has only been to dispel my fears and horrors for the time being, until I alone can conquer them once again. Life seems to be mocking me, and my, is it doing a whopping job. As for my chat, well, it only proved what I`d hoped someone would end up DISproving. Everyone does run away, and not many truly care. For those of you out there who do have someone who feels for you, and who is not scared to stand in front of you when the world aims their guns, I advise you from the bottom of my heart, thank God, and never let them go. There really isn`t anyone else like them. Truly.

Choices and Silence

In essence, when a path is chosen, one rebels. It`s supposed to be only natural to want to run in the opposite direction, for fear that choosing is out of the question, and following the chosen will be the only option from now on, for if you acquiesce once, obviously, you will do so again and again. There is no self will, so why wouldn`t you?

Not so. Saying yes once is good breeding, saying yes again and again, fear. But at no time is it to be thought that the reason behind the silence is dumbness. Fear is good and bad. Fear is disturbing to the being, and yet essential for life. So what is to be done when there is no choice?