It's been ages since I wrote something on this. It's pretty late here, actually, but I've been snoozing the entire day, so I think how I was going to spend my night was pre-determined.

I'm listening to old songs at the moment, something that's always been able to soothe my incredibly overactive mind.

I suppose I've been wondering the whole day how many people take the time out of their day to actually understand how much more blessed they are then others, and how little they tend to send thanks to the one who deserves it for just how comfortable their life is at the moment. We spend money here without any thought to where it's going, and how it's going to be replenished. It's surprising how monetary one can become when their baser nature is revealed, isn't it?

Those families whose parents have been laid off, what must they be doing? How must they be coping with their situations in life?

Following their examples WOULD make an immense amount of sense, but then, not everyone has the inner strength and determination to actually do that. Sometimes, when I'm sitting in university, hearing these students talk about their clinical rotations, and their wards, I imagine what it will feel like to be in their position next year. I cannot believe that it is so easy to walk out of a clinical rotation, where there are people dying, families losing hope, moment after moment, and still be able to smile and laugh as soon as you're "free" of those confines.

My brother told me today that I'm much too emotional, and perhaps that's true, but when it comes time to perform surgery on a patient, if I ever get to that point, then I hope I will have the will, strength, patience, and courage to keep my hand steady, because right now, I don't know if I can do it. I'm scared, and I feel like placing someone's life in my hands would be the most foolish decision that someone could make. I hope God gives me the ablities that I need to make it, for He is my only hope right now.

Life sometimes crowds in on you, makes you feel like all your good for is completing the audience, because you're never going to be good enough to be a part of the "team". I suppose it's at those instances that you have to fight back, and prove to yourself, and the world, that the only person who has a right to tell you that you CAN'T do something is yourself, and since no one is quite that insane, you can do it.

Have faith in yourself. That's what they all say. It's supposed to help. Make you believe in miracles. But what if you don't believe you deserve those miracles? What then?

Who helps? Where do you go?

Keep thinking. It gets a lot worse.

The sky is always at its most calm before the storm, honey.