Afterglow...

Within the realm of choices that life has to offer, lies something so strong, so inexplicable, that ‘tis not everyday that the mind will dare to lean towards thinking about what it actually is, in reality. I feel like running away sometimes, to a place so far away from the pain, confusion and heartbreak of this existence, that not even the slightest remembrance of it will be able to reach me. And yet, at the same time, a hope of a greater tomorrow, one filled with happiness so full and complete, who’s afterglow one will have no choice except to bask in, keeps coming to me, its caresses as light as the touch of a butterfly’s wings.

‘Tis absolutely mortifying for someone in my place to have thoughts such as these, for the sheer and obvious fact that I am purported to be living the most realistic and down-to-earth existence that a girl could be living in, and of course, under those circumstances, I should remove all flimsiness from my mind. One would expect me to not dally, grip my thoughts with a firm hand, and bury them so far within the recesses of my mind, that they would never be able to be recalled, even with the most strenuous of efforts. But it is not possible, for these thoughts, and these moments of quiet reflection and deliberation are the essence of my nature, and cannot be torn from me without me becoming only a hollow shell of my former self, with nothing of who I used to be remaining. I fear that day. Truly, one never knows what the future will bring.

I await my tomorrow with a very human mixture of open arms and reluctance. The coming sun shall bring with it equal measures of happiness, life, death, destruction, hope, hopelessness, and life.


How will I look at tomorrow?

Your Breath My Wine

Expectations always rise, don't they?

It can't be that someone ever says,

"Oh my, you managed this? Well, you must rest. I know you are well capable, but you are after all, only human, and you must need a shoulder to rest on, musn't you?"

Of course not. The people who have those are those that deserve them. Not like me. People like me are pushed on, further and further, but it seems like, we, don't EVER need to recharge our batteries, because we're just, always fully charged. Drop another assignment, and walk away. Completing it, well, that's all me. And afterwards, the grounding that I need, well, that's also all me. There's no second party involved. It doesn't matter what I need, what I require, what I feel. As long as the work is done, that's all that matters, isn't it?

Reneging on promises. That, is the trademark of some people. They will never go through with what they say, and the worst part is that apparently, no one could have a harder life than they could. And yes, that includes me. My life is like a walk in the park compared to these people. It's all about how my perspective is much too light. I think it would help if I became as maudlin, and as dark and dank as these people, you know? Perhaps, at the least it might help me tap into their thought processes. That would probably go a long way in allowing me to conform myself to these principles that are so foreign to me, at the moment.

Of course, I know that I don't want to conform. I like being who I am, but I would appreciate someone else picking up the slack at times. It would go an insanely long way in, well, allowing me to breathe for longer than a second at a time. Yes, that's right. This is me indulging in those rare moments of perfectly WRONG self-pity.

And this is me stopping. Life is the way it is, and one way or another, we drag it along. But, I suppose I, with the nature that God has imbued in me, wouldn't be happy handing the reins over to someone else. I seek to be independent, and to stand up on my own. To be deprived of that would be the cruelest blow fate could have dealt to me.

And at one time, obviously, there can't be just one issue that the human brain needs to solve. There have to be many, like the fact that, obviously, I have to listen, and solve every problem of my life, and those that intertwine with me, because of the sheer fact, that I exist. For some odd reason, that doesn't seem to be a fair bargain, and yet, knowing me, I shall never raise my voice in a complaint, for this is me.

Come stranger. I await you still.

"All the pictures that hung in my memory before I knew you have faded, and given place to our radiant moments together. Now, I cannot live apart from you...your words are my food, your breath my wine. You are everything to me."