Your Breath My Wine

Expectations always rise, don't they?

It can't be that someone ever says,

"Oh my, you managed this? Well, you must rest. I know you are well capable, but you are after all, only human, and you must need a shoulder to rest on, musn't you?"

Of course not. The people who have those are those that deserve them. Not like me. People like me are pushed on, further and further, but it seems like, we, don't EVER need to recharge our batteries, because we're just, always fully charged. Drop another assignment, and walk away. Completing it, well, that's all me. And afterwards, the grounding that I need, well, that's also all me. There's no second party involved. It doesn't matter what I need, what I require, what I feel. As long as the work is done, that's all that matters, isn't it?

Reneging on promises. That, is the trademark of some people. They will never go through with what they say, and the worst part is that apparently, no one could have a harder life than they could. And yes, that includes me. My life is like a walk in the park compared to these people. It's all about how my perspective is much too light. I think it would help if I became as maudlin, and as dark and dank as these people, you know? Perhaps, at the least it might help me tap into their thought processes. That would probably go a long way in allowing me to conform myself to these principles that are so foreign to me, at the moment.

Of course, I know that I don't want to conform. I like being who I am, but I would appreciate someone else picking up the slack at times. It would go an insanely long way in, well, allowing me to breathe for longer than a second at a time. Yes, that's right. This is me indulging in those rare moments of perfectly WRONG self-pity.

And this is me stopping. Life is the way it is, and one way or another, we drag it along. But, I suppose I, with the nature that God has imbued in me, wouldn't be happy handing the reins over to someone else. I seek to be independent, and to stand up on my own. To be deprived of that would be the cruelest blow fate could have dealt to me.

And at one time, obviously, there can't be just one issue that the human brain needs to solve. There have to be many, like the fact that, obviously, I have to listen, and solve every problem of my life, and those that intertwine with me, because of the sheer fact, that I exist. For some odd reason, that doesn't seem to be a fair bargain, and yet, knowing me, I shall never raise my voice in a complaint, for this is me.

Come stranger. I await you still.

"All the pictures that hung in my memory before I knew you have faded, and given place to our radiant moments together. Now, I cannot live apart from you...your words are my food, your breath my wine. You are everything to me."