So it is not going to be that much longer until I am gone. It is not nice to know that I have to leave my parents again but in the same way it feels good to know that I won't be hurting them because I know I will have my future secure. I know that htere are alot of people who think that I am hurting my parents by doing this, but they don't know how much my parents have been hurt before so in the end it really only matters what me and my closestfriends who know the truth about what has happened in my lifetime. Anywyas, enough of the depressing facts of life, an on to the fun times. I have to leave Rabia and Iram but I can survive. I also have to leave Ruby and Sangeeta. They were and always will remain the closest friends of my heart. It hurts to leave them and I know that I may not even see them again but I know that we will always remember each other and that can give one's heart reassurity and peace when nothing else in the world can.

So it's all done!

They are ready! We are ready!

My flight is confirmed for the 15 of February, but it doesn't bother me a lot. The only thing that really hurts is leaving the friends that actually care about me here and my Dad. They mean the world to me but the sometimes you need give something up to obtain something else. I just hope that God doesn't have more grief to me. See, in times like these you need to realize that the world isn't out to get you but God id just testing you. You have to hold out, put your head up and not give up when the times become really hard. That is when you prove to not the world, but to yourself that even when the hardest of hard times descend upon you, you can pull yourself through by holding yourself together. Anyways to much depressing talk for one day.

My school starts on Monday and it will be fun because it will be like my last week at Milliken. So we will see how the classes are for the first week at Milliken!

My brother is a really sweet dude. He doesn't need to know that though! He does a lot for me and although I don't think he realizes it yet I really do appreciate everything that he has done for me. I know that he doesn't want me to leave but really I got no choice. I will miss him! He means the world to me and we have become so close in the last few days. It's like every time I get somewhere in my life with someone, I have to drop it and start anew. Anyways, sometimes you got no choice do you?

I have to go, but I'll write later.

As if life was ever easy.......

So....... today I went to watch the movie Million Dollar Baby.

Fame and fortune was not all I wanted in life, but I did want to make my parents happy, but I guess in my case that isn't possible. My friends are important to me and so is my life, but to see smiles on the faces of the two most important people in my life is all I want. I found out that I failed Physics, and I probably failed Chemistry too, which leaves me with two choices. Either I stay here and repeat Physiscs and Chem and then take two courses in day school, or I go to Pakistan, rip my family apart again, but ensure that my future is secure. What a choice eh?

To know that either one I make is going to ruin my life is not very comforting, but it's all I have right now. I would rather die thatn hurt my parents. But it seems that I already have so there's not much point in saying that now. If someone, anyone reads this and has some advice for me then I'd really appreciate it. I need all the help I can get. But please help because you want to, not because you think I need pity because that's the last thing I'm aiming for roght now.

I have to go, but I"ll write back soon.